The Grind

So I recently got a job and have begun to understand what the daily grind truly is.  Although my job is early enough in the morning that I can have a life it is still quite amusing to jest at those around me who clearly have been doing this for too long.  Some of them realize it and others do not.  I feel that some of them are too bright to be doing what they are doing and for some reason are just content with what they do.  I feel as though this will be a stepping stone in my life towards a greater goal.  Meet some interesting people along the way and learn some life lessons, but in the long run I don't know if the corporate world will be for me.  I am a person that likes to develop standing relationships, and at work I do not know if past little conversations with my coworkers will stand as long term relationships.  I am looking for something that is more intertwined with the work I am doing.  Such as a controller.  Now it seems like it is just the act of working my way to that point so that work no longer feels like work.  There is not much else to add this thing that I call work.  Just living the dream and getting through life one step at a time. Gotta stalk what you love before you decide to pounce.  Find the job of prey and get it.  Just takes patience and determination.

So I saw a herd of buffalo running off a cliff...

So as of recently I have realized that I have sort of an elitist complex.  As to say I thrive to be the best at anything that I do due to competitive nature, but also I tend to get pissed at other people for not being nearly as good as I am, or if they are, for the stupid mistakes that they make.  I realize this is somewhat ridiculous, but I am constantly frustrated with mediocrity and frustrated with the idiocy that I constantly run into.  This tends to be more in the lines of video games than anything else, but idiots in the world find a true way to my rage box so to speak.

What could I possibly do about this?  Well there is a certain extent in some games where I can literally just destroy everybody and this complex does not plague me because I no longer need to rely on teammates in what is considered a "team" game so to speak.  League of Legends is one of these games, but I do have a set of individuals that can keep pace, its just the remainder that we get who cant seem to tell the difference between an ap and an ad character that make me go nuts... (lookin' at you ad brand)  Either way I guess this is more of a vent of frustration and a realization of something that I have already known for a while but didnt realize the exact way of puting it.

Im an elitist.  If you are a learner I do not shun you if you admit it... I try and help if anything.  But if your acting like a dumbass piece of shit.  Please proceed to the left and promptly get the fuck out of my life, cause I am sick of you and frankly could not give a damn what you have to say.  You are probably ignorant of all your mistakes and do nothing to fix them.  Also, if you see me doing something wrong or stupid, point it out.  I look at things very strategically and critically when I do things.  If you offer a judgement on something that I have done I will do a series of mental checks to see if what I did was wrong and either offer a rebuttal in a not so intelligent manner or I will take your criticism and run with it.  Once again, for all you fuckfaced pieces of shit... Door is on the left.

I guess this has really been sparked recently out of me for some reason.  I guess the impending release of the new counter-strike has really started to get me back into the drivers seat of the competitive car and I am almost flooring it in 5th.

Well I have drifted from my initial point of me being an elitist.  Not hard to see that I am competitive and this most likely sprang from that, but I guess what I am saying is.  Just be more than mediocre.  Be more than the average joe, and please don't follow the rest of the buffalo off the cliff, cause I promise you it isn't gonna be pretty when you go off the edge of the cliff with the rest of the morons of society.  Separate from the herd and join the pack.

This alpha is out and about, you omega better watch out, a man on a mission, don't dare think of a collision, cause I guarantee I will bust you up...

Howlin' at a Full Moon

So what do I find myself doing late at night?  Nothing in particular, as a matter of fact I am writing this blog as the time ticks by.  But why am I writing a late night blog, why should anybody care?  Well nobody should if they really don't want to cause if they don't care I don't care that they don't care...  But I digress.  Sleep always seems to evade me.  I never really care to sleep all that much.  Even when I find myself exhausted I find there are not enough hours in the day to be productive if I so desire to do so.  It always leaves me thinking that if there were places open late enough for me to be productive what I could and would do.  There are unfortunately not enough of these places, and by these places I do not mean bars.  I am talking about all night gyms or something of the sort.  This is just turning into rambling but I guess that is what most of my posts turn into.  I am not tired, I am really never tired.  I yawn I act tired, but its all an act of things I have really and truly been taught to do.  I should just accept the fact that I should set an alarm and allow myself 4 hours of sleep each night as forced and then move on with my life and become stupidly productive.  We will see what happens in the future, but this is more just spitballing than anything else.  Thoughts lemme know, if you think I am just an idiot go wild say what you want to its a free world.  Not sure if its insomnia paranoia or anything of that sort.  Who knows what is going on, just know that I am sick of half of this act.  Need more time to function and more things to do.  Guess the days are gonna start turning crazy and I am going to go balls to the wall with the whole get faster and get stronger thing so that I can get my best shot at professional soccer.  Until next time.  Keep that tail waggin'

P.S.  Looks like a full moon tonight, though I am not sure if it is.  Get that urge to howl now and again... Guess I am just that dang crazy :P

Aeria Gloris...

Sitting in my house, thinking of all those that cannot be doing the exact same.  I understand the purpose of real fires, but sometimes it just gets outa hand.  Seeing these 9-10 wildfires all over my home state and seeing these huge clouds is just frustrating.  Mother nature seems pissed.  For reasons beyond me she is retaking what is hers in a most ferocious manner.  Television was constantly on the news channel watching pictures and live footage of fires climbing mountains and burning homes.  Sit in awe.  Stroke my tail and wonder about life more and more.  There are many reasons I constantly occupy myself with menial tasks.  I know that when I do not it leads me to think about things that are so beyond most people that I just cannot talk to most of them about it at all.  What more can a person do.  Just live, tell my tail.... tale... and strive to surpass anything that anyone ever thought possible.

Google Colorado wildfires... go to images.... really... you will understand

Also constantly listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q8rBnuULY0 currently.  Just such a badass opening song that makes me want to go do something extreme or breakthrough in something unimaginable.  Push the limits, live up to your potential, never become content, and just do what you love.  Straight from the muzzle...

P.S.  Go play the online game QWOP and make yourself feel stupid for a little bit...

A relatively furry feeling

Ears twitch... Heard something unusual.... Nose scrunches up... smells funny.

O wait!  That was because I was in Japan the last week and a half.  Good times... goooooood times.  Few issues while we were there, but overall a great time and a great atmosphere.  Really and truly a furry can feel at home in Japan.  Got a furry manga, saw some furry hentai, even ate an omelet with a furry on it.  Check one for the winning book for that trip.  What more was better.  Despite the arguments that we had once in a while, I got to go there with my brother.  Doesn't get much better than that.  I got a serious beef to pick with apple tho.  Gotta get your product right or some day something or someone is gonna bite you in the butt.

So my Japan trip took me to 3 places.  Fukuoka, Kyoto, and Tokyo.  Fukuoka was a new experience for me.  Much different than Kyoto and Tokyo, but overall it was a great place.  Saw some huge malls some good arcades, and met some old friends.  Even had a matrix moment while walking through Shibuya.  I really can't go into detail on things because it would probably take me several pages and I am not currently in the mood to write a ton.  Maybe I will recap those events later, but overall the experience was just great.  Stew on that for a while if you ever think of a trip, little costly, but totally worth it.  Speaking the language helps too :P  Off for now.  Keep on truckin... Except for the man known as Trucker... He should just stop trucking and just start walking...

It Came to Me in a Dream...

I wish I could say that the title had something cool to do with what I am actually about to write, but the truth is it really has jack shit to do with what I am about to write.

I just graduated college, and it really hadn't hit me until about yesterday when I got home and found myself playing video games for a good chunk of the day.  It kind of almost woke me up.  All I have to do is find a job... Its my #1 priority is what I was told.  It kind of dawned on me at this point that I don't have the time to do a whole lot, and if I want to avoid a constant drull I need to find a job that either isn't a constant work load, or to just not get a job at all.  This seems impossible, but then it dawned on me.  If I can find a job within something that I truly enjoy... It isn't really a job at all.  There is some hope for that with the degree I chose.  I did not really know what I wanted to be a part of until the end of my college career, like literally within the last 2 months of school.  Science and space are really and truly the loves of my life.  Guess its a good thing I chose a degree that can go into any line of work...

On a sidenote...  This means I am still going to workout hard and try to get to a point where I can go professional in soccer prior to getting everything situated with a job, or even during.  That would be the true way for me to be happy, and to bring happiness to others... and by that I mean the fans of my team... Fuck everybody else....  Except maybe people that I am friends with... And teams that are from where I like.... well... I guess there are a few exceptions.  I digress...  Soccer... Be about it... Love it... Do whatever I can to achieve it... And if for some reason I am not deemed worthy to play it at a professional level... Get the job in the department I enjoy.  Gotta enjoy what you are doing at work or your just going to waste away.  Provided you work 40-50 hours a week that is.

W/e I guess it just came down to the point that I realized that I really need to get on the workout wagon for soccer and to pursue it a little more seriously than I originally intended... That and I need to make sure if all else fails that I look for a job in something I enjoy.  I guess thats really all I have to say about that for now...

Gotta have a purpose... Without a purpose there is no point... Not truly living your life without a true purpose... Just kinda goin through the motions...

Guess thats it for now...

16 days till Japan...

..... Woof

Koledge.....

4 years have gone by so quickly, but at the same time not quick enough...  What all is left for me in college.  I have a thesis that is due tomorrow which is about 99% done currently.  After a few more minor adjustments the compilation of my entire college career will be turned in as a 20 page paper.  This kind of bums me out to a certain extent because college has been so much more to me than just knowledge that I have gained in the classroom.  As a matter of fact, I have probably learned more about myself outside of the classroom than in the classroom.  Despite the large variety of classes and subjects that I have participated in, which have all been pretty great, something inside of me has definitely grown.

Aside from growing about 4-5 inches in college I have internally and externally learned many things.
1. I am a furry loud and proud.
2. I don't really give a flying fuck what you think about me, cause no matter what you think I always know that your thoughts don't matter if I don't let them matter.
3. When I am drunk I see other people as furries... (lol)
4. I have a high tolerance for hard alcohol, but somehow am a lightweight for beer... (crazy mind)
5. I can kick a ball about 70-80 yards, which is more than the average NFL kicker and about the same as most professional soccer players.
6. Society has many faults that can piss you off, but you have to see the minor good to enjoy anything at all.
7. Find something that makes you happy and do it... Soccer will never leave me no matter what happens.
8. Women can be absolutely insane... Which is thusly why I haven't had a girlfriend in over 2 years.
9. Japan kicks ass... But could use some dairy products cause I feel awkward without milk everyday.
10. 漢字はとてもだめだと思います。(yes I hate Kanji... I am sorry :P)
11．外国に行く時四時間しかねます。たくさんをします。(Don't sleep in if your in a foreign country... make sure its memorable)

12.See left poster
13. Be grateful for those around you who at least try to understand you and love you, they are your greatest safeguard.
14. Past mistakes are for learning, so learn from them and get rid of them.







I am sure there is plenty more that I can put into this list, but at this time I cannot think of anything more, and unfortunately life is calling.  In a matter of 3 weeks my life is going to enter a new chapter, and with this new chapter is going to come serious reform in time scheduling and probably a full time job.

Never forget who you are, and don't let other people tell you that its wrong.  There is a 99% chance that they are just jealous or totally don't understand where you are coming from.

Straight from this furry's muzzle... Take care and check ya later.

What Lies Ahead

So after a full night of contemplation and wondering about the world my mind seemed to drift to one thing.  This was not about me, but rather a person I have grown to know as a friend.  He is shortly going to venture into a new chapter in his life to new challenges, new skill sets, and a whole new world... no pun intended...  After going where he has gone and seeing what can be, I feel like he is going to come back a totally changed individual.  In what ways I cannot say, but I feel as though he will more passionate in one way or another.  Of what I do not know, and by what degree I cannot say.  When I went to the place he is going I came back understanding myself better than I previously had, and also finding a new understanding and assurance of the people around me.  A new found confidence so to speak.  I guess it drifts to the fact that I am genuinely excited for this individual and wish I could see him off.   My only issue lies in that I am several states away, and will not get to see him off on the vast new chapter of his life.

It also got me thinking about my trip to Japan the coming months and that I still have to arrange lots of stuff to make sure it is all good to go when I arrive.  Moreover it made me think about what is going to happen this time and what fantastic and life changing things I will see or do this time.  After seeing last time that society can truly be as one and can move forward together as a single unit I was floored.  The animosity that I saw amongst them was nonexistent.  Everybody seemed to co-mingle and have no issue with helping anyone with anything.  Makes me wonder what would happen if the rest of the world could learn to do the same.  What could happen within society, and could we drift towards a true civilization with regard for our fellow person.  Anyways... What lies ahead in the next few months, past the trip, for me... for him... things that I will never know, but that I know will leave us both changed forever.  It leaves me thinking about the other individual going on the Japan trip with me as well.  The culture is something he knows, but how will the pure interaction change or for that matter will it change the person I know.  I am evermore eager to venture onward and to set my sights high for the future.  Not knowing what will come, but knowing that I will take it head on and give it the Onizuka effort.  If he stumbles upon this... I can just say... Good luck, be safe, but not too safe... Too safe and everything will pass you by.  Watch out for doors too... I hit my head on quite a few of them while I was there... It will wake you up in the morning, but not in a good way.

You know... Travis Rice once said,

"When it comes down to it - it's pretty simple:

Adventure is what you make it. Whether it's the travel, the discovery or just the feeling of letting go - the only way we'll ever find out is to get out there and do it!

Enjoy the ride!"

Great words...

So let go... See it all, and leave nothing untouched or unseen.

Out There....

So I have recently realized that I almost constantly stare at the moon when it is out for reasons that I do not quite understand.  Every time I do look up there I get a yearning and almost comforted feeling.  I am not sure if I realize that everybody that I know and love can look up and see the same thing, or the distinct feeling that one day I may be able to go out amongst the stars and see something as insane and amazing as the planet we live on.  I guess there really isn't a whole lot to this post but that.  Life is changing, people are leaving... a new chapter will be starting... and there is a whole lot of new to look forward to.  Being able to see my family more than 3 months out of the year is something that seems to fuel me onward.

Back to the moon, the constant feeling of insignificance that a person tends to feel just seems to go away for me when I stare blankly at this giant sphere in a place that is so unreachable at the current moment.  Its the final frontier... The last place to go and to see...  A fresh start.  I still feel that parts of my childhood tainted me in the eyes of many people and that I can never truly be pure for several things that I have done.  The hatred that I have felt and continue to feel.  The feelings that well up inside me sometimes make me truly wonder how my parents managed to make me the person I am today.  I feel that without them I would be behind bars.  A trigger finger of a temper and a tendency to establish dominance would have probably left me down a not so pretty path if not for my whole family.  They always stick by me and always will and I know it.  Despite the constant pestering I receive I know there is so much behind it that I may not fully understand but each day makes me stronger.  One day I may just burst out from this shell I seem to be and come forth as I really am.

The full fledged me is something that I really cannot show.  People would not understand how to deal with me as I perceive, but there are times and places where it shows.  Don't get me wrong I am not saying I am so extremely different that it would be something new to humanity, but people just would not understand.  I guess if things ever go to the manner that I feel that people will begin to understand the furry in me I will show more of it, but if not then who knows how things will go.  Ears held high and tail wagging always...

Till the future....

A Feeling of Loneliness

You ever get that feeling that your just utterly alone in a place that you don't want to be?  That there is no viable end in sight and it just leaves you in a state of depression... Or for that matter maybe its just the state of Wisconsin.  There is fucking nothing to do in this place past drink and go into a further depression I am convinced.  TBH... I think its more of a weather drull than a depression.  Just feels like theres no light in the world, because there is only about 10 minutes of cloudless skies a day unless its summer :P.  Don't take this wrong people from Wisconsin, but the lack of mountains here makes this place as dull as the million or so farms I see.  This last few months is going to be the roughest of my life I feel.

Its not like I have it bad out here.  I actually have it great and enjoy the random company, but the lack of stuff to do drives me insane.  After the first few months here I ran out of good ways to keep myself busy except for constant thinking about random whositswhats of science and other subjects, and playing video games constantly.  The constant lack of another to keep me company has also caused me great peril throughout my time here.  A lack of an opposing counterpart after my first two years has left me with serious emotional discord it would seem.  I constantly hit extreme highs and extreme lows only to level out on the fact that one day I will get out of here.  The only thing that remotely lets me feel like there something worth it is the family I have nearby and talking to family/friends on the internet.

Overall all I can say is just that this pit of loneliness I feel drives me to the edge every once in a while and without those that care for me I don't think I would be here today.  I guess the best part about me, is that when I hit the edge, I just go play soccer for hours on end.  Best times of my life has been when I have felt the worst and come to a super high from 6 straight hours of soccer.  But I digress...  Thanks to those who make life worth living...  Also,  crazy people be crazy, so watch out for them... Still wish I had counterpart furry out there to understand me without hardcore judgment though.  Everybody seems to throw that at me despite the fact that I would not be the one to dress up and go crazy like the minority of furries that do that.  Just gotta have a furry mentality, but that just seems to be impossible to come by.  People think that race causes issues... try something obscure that people just don't understand.

Pce for now.  Off to more yearning and the simple insanity that is life.

See you space cowboy...

Thesis

So as of recently I have started to write bits and pieces of my thesis for college.  The whole issue with this is that whenever I start to write; I begin to instantly start thinking of the most random music possible.  For instance, I just started doing some stuff and all of the sudden... BAM.

Time to defeat some huns!









This left me puzzled and not understanding quite what I was thinking.  So I began to just hum to myself and it all just has been working itself out ever since.  I don't know what defeating the huns has to do with the privatization of social security, but one of these days I will find out what is making me tick.  Good times...  This also got me thinking about Disney in general and about how all the movies I saw when I was a kid were from that company.  Left me wondering if movies like the Lion King and others of that sort put me in the position I am in today... Who knows.  Friendly animals do what they gotta do to kick Scar around I guess.  Back to more thesis writing I guess.  Pce!

How to Kick Off Valentines Day Right

Alright, another Valentine's Day coming by and I am rollin along just like Han always does.... Solo... HAH... But regardless, I woke up this morning to come to the realization that this could indeed be a great valentines day.  People keep asking me, "why are you so happy? your single on valentines day."  Well to that I say.  Twisted Metal just came out, so while your being all lovey with other people I am gonna go blow shit up with demented clowns and psychotic killers...  Talk about a hell of a Valentines Day :P  True genius that is really all there is to it.  Release a fantastic game series about car based combat and valentines day suddenly doesnt exist...  Good times.  Catch you later, time to go have a little bit of fun.

Stupid Dog!

Ohhhhh yea.... you heard me.... you made me look bad... OOGAHBOOGABOOGA...   But wait... Why am I bringing this up now?  Well I just found out that in the next few months Courage the Cowardly Dog is coming back with a new season.  Its about time Cartoon Network decided that it was gonna do something remotely smart.  Childhood cartoon win...  Welcome to the 90's!

Seems legit, but who knows.  Just brought a smile to my face.  Good 'ole days...  Will believe it in full when I see it tho.

Ate an orange and everything was K!

So after much thought on the hilarious nature of Gangplank, the pirate character in League of Legends I realized that he has many life lessons to teach us.  Lets start simple... As my title states citrus fruits make everything K, so people need to eat their fruit and everything bad that will ever happen to you will instantly go away.  Heck, it will even make you feel better than before.  The instant ailment treatment of citrus fruit is fantastic.  Remember everything on the internet is true... PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP GUIS!

Lesson number 2...  Shooting a gun and waving your sword in an awkward manner will instantly inspire people around you to do better than what they can possibly do.  Wanna give 110%... Sorry that's physically impossible, but for one time only you can buy this flintlock pistol and sword and if you wave the sword in the air and fire your pistol people around you will instantly perform drastically above average.  SRS BZNS.  NO LIES...  But anyways just remember.

Moving on The final thing to learn is that rum is the only thing in a bottle let alone the only thing a pirate will drink when singing yo-ho-ho.  God forbid they drink milk or something that would be beneficial.  Nay they do say, we need some of that thar rum NAO.  Oh yea... before I forget.  Flintlock pistols can also be reloaded in 4 seconds.. All this people thinkin it takes so long are lieing to you.  Even faster with the right cdr... I mean training!  Either way, good ole gankplank sure has a way of telling people how to be awesome...  Until next time...

"Experienced" = Skilled?

So I am going to hit this off in the best kind of way.  With a simple rant on people who are "experienced" at something and therefore think they are obviously that much better than you in all ways possible.  To add insult to injury, I am gonna be more specific and point out its the people that try to show off and rub it into your face ahead of time that I am pissed at.  I ran into several people who made the boastful claim that they were better than me at something only for me to prove them horribly wrong.  Next time somebody does it, it will probably result in me shoving it back down their throat because I am simply sick of their ego and their kind.
The first instance of bullsh!ttery came whilst I was playing League of Legends.  A person who had been playing the game since the beta came out was trying to tell me about how he had been playing for a really long time and he therefore knew how to do everything better than me.  My first thought was... alright maybe I could just listen, but the more he talked the more I realized he had fallen prey to the evil of thinking that every team needed a set 5 designated roles and that without one a team would fail.  We argued for the whole pre-game selection about this fact, and right before the game start somebody left.  As if fate willed it, he wound up on the other team when the game reformed.  Needless to say my team was something unconventional in the end and we slaughtered the other team without any issue and all he did was whine that it was the worst team ever.  Own up to your failure and don't flaunt your ego in the first place just play the d&mn game.
Score: 1 me 0 experienced

The second one came from somebody who was playing World of Warcraft with me.  I have been playing this one for a while, and have not gotten very good at it until the last 2 or 3 years, but I found somebody who found it necessary to state that they had been playing the same class as me since beta and therefore were going to crush me in dmg and could "teach me a few things about roguing" as he so amply put it.  The fight was not a hard one, but regardless he ended up dead shortly before the end of the fight, and I was still alive and well several leaps and bounds ahead of him in dmg.  He ended up raging at me in whispers despite me saying only one thing to him... "boom."
Score: 2 me 0 experienced

F*ck Yea





The last situation came irl when someone decided they had the brilliant idea to challenge me to a kicking contest.  This occurred about a week and a half ago, and said individual is a punter for a football team.  They have been kicking footballs for a very long time, and I play soccer.  The thing about me is that I have a natural gift for the art of kicking things for long distances.  Back to the story, he kicked his football.  It was an impressive 60 yard punt more or less, good hang time and nothing wrong with it.  He then proceeded to give me 3 shots to match it or beat it.  My first punt landed about 5 yards shy of his mark, but the hang time was about a full second longer than his.  My second punt was a solid strike and I cleared his mark by easily 10 yards.  He was baffled and could not understand how I did it.  I told him to think nothing of it that I just had a knock for kicking, but he stormed off pretty angry and not knowing what had just hit him.
Score: 3 me 0 experienced

Poker Face






This is not to toot my own horn, just to prove the long known fact that people still do not seem to understand.  Just because you have experience and have done something for a long time; doesn't mean you are good at it, or that somebody better isn't gonna come out and beat you back into your place.  So for future reference, before you pick a fight with somebody on any old thing because you are confident with your skill.  Realize they have a chance of laying you out and don't be a prick about it... Really think about what you are doing, because I am sick of you all.  Get off your ego's and thinking your experience is skill and L2P.  Or better yet, just turn tail and go before you get to me.  I don't want to deal with you anyways, got better things to turn my ears to.