So recently I have been thinking while at my seemingly meaningful job about what my next step is in life. I am overqualified for the job that I currently possess and it bugs me to no end. So what do I do? Logically I have updated my resume and started to peruse the world for a more suiting position to do my dealings. This has proven not so fruitful, but has just begun. This thought of job switching made me think about how people like to say life is a road and you make choices at forks in the road. The more I think about it the more I realize this must be some screwed up road. Thinking about a road that twists and turns in 3 dimensions with metaphorical forks that have choices approaching infinity. Every step that you take causes you to hit yet another metaphorical fork and life is an endless choice that you eventually just do not care to make. It is starting to bug me that society deems I should work until I am 70... Unless I can find something I love I don't think I will make work continue until 30. The frustration with those people who just live there lives as though they have lost all meaning just bug me. Constantly doing the same thing and never trying to improve upon yourself or your environment to make things better. The drull of the average everyday worker doing nothing to better them self. The only thing I can think about is making things more efficient or how can I make it so that some day I won't have to do this humdrum stuff and beat the system.
I guess that was more of a mindless rant about work and being overqualified while I watch the people of my workplace wither. I guess what I really mean to say is I feel like I am at a standstill. Life wants me to make a decision to move to the next point, and all I want to do is step off the path and tell normality to go fuck itself. I am already past the point of normal. I have a huge issue finding true emotion, I fake a good majority of what I think I would feel. Few things can invoke a true emotion out of me, I just stand in the wake of people destroying themselves and logic about. I am not sure when in my life I truly hit this point, but I have just hit that point where everything I do has to be logical if it does not invoke some emotion out of me. Shit I have even hit the point where I question the purpose of a relationship of passing on who I am. Then I realize... hey sex is great... But no... really.... the only thing I think about sometimes is how I have yet to find somebody who would truly understand me for who I am. I think that understanding would mean more to me than a lot else in this world. I really don't care for money. I want to be set in that I don't want money to be a worry in my life, but if I get to the point where money is something that is so abundant to me that I don't know what to do with it, I am seriously just going to give it away to my family and friends. There is no point in me having more than I need. Living luxurious to me almost seems like a total waste. Get what I need, have enough in case there is a crisis, and give the rest to my family and friends so that they can be happy as I am. A lot of people seem to think I am unhappy with the world. Though I would love to implement several thousand things from my imagination into the world, this world is pretty good to me. Im a talented individual. I have a great family. What few true friends I have, I would do anything in the world for. I just don't know. The one thing that seems to be missing is that relationship. Though I hate it and despise the thought of having to dwell on the action of another judging me and dictating some parts of my life. I miss that understanding... As much as this may sound lame. I believe I am hitting that point where I need that person to impart my pent feelings. Those things that although I do not feel as many people do, they are there welled up and just waiting for that one person. Just hope that when I find that person I don't fall for them so hard I lose the world around me.
Well this rant has gotten long enough and has several subjects that just needed to be put out there and probably have nothing to do with each other, so I will leave it where it is. Thanks for reading and listening or whatever you are doing.
Stay furrsty my friends...
