Out There....

So I have recently realized that I almost constantly stare at the moon when it is out for reasons that I do not quite understand.  Every time I do look up there I get a yearning and almost comforted feeling.  I am not sure if I realize that everybody that I know and love can look up and see the same thing, or the distinct feeling that one day I may be able to go out amongst the stars and see something as insane and amazing as the planet we live on.  I guess there really isn't a whole lot to this post but that.  Life is changing, people are leaving... a new chapter will be starting... and there is a whole lot of new to look forward to.  Being able to see my family more than 3 months out of the year is something that seems to fuel me onward.

Back to the moon, the constant feeling of insignificance that a person tends to feel just seems to go away for me when I stare blankly at this giant sphere in a place that is so unreachable at the current moment.  Its the final frontier... The last place to go and to see...  A fresh start.  I still feel that parts of my childhood tainted me in the eyes of many people and that I can never truly be pure for several things that I have done.  The hatred that I have felt and continue to feel.  The feelings that well up inside me sometimes make me truly wonder how my parents managed to make me the person I am today.  I feel that without them I would be behind bars.  A trigger finger of a temper and a tendency to establish dominance would have probably left me down a not so pretty path if not for my whole family.  They always stick by me and always will and I know it.  Despite the constant pestering I receive I know there is so much behind it that I may not fully understand but each day makes me stronger.  One day I may just burst out from this shell I seem to be and come forth as I really am.

The full fledged me is something that I really cannot show.  People would not understand how to deal with me as I perceive, but there are times and places where it shows.  Don't get me wrong I am not saying I am so extremely different that it would be something new to humanity, but people just would not understand.  I guess if things ever go to the manner that I feel that people will begin to understand the furry in me I will show more of it, but if not then who knows how things will go.  Ears held high and tail wagging always...

Till the future....