Aeria Gloris...

Sitting in my house, thinking of all those that cannot be doing the exact same.  I understand the purpose of real fires, but sometimes it just gets outa hand.  Seeing these 9-10 wildfires all over my home state and seeing these huge clouds is just frustrating.  Mother nature seems pissed.  For reasons beyond me she is retaking what is hers in a most ferocious manner.  Television was constantly on the news channel watching pictures and live footage of fires climbing mountains and burning homes.  Sit in awe.  Stroke my tail and wonder about life more and more.  There are many reasons I constantly occupy myself with menial tasks.  I know that when I do not it leads me to think about things that are so beyond most people that I just cannot talk to most of them about it at all.  What more can a person do.  Just live, tell my tail.... tale... and strive to surpass anything that anyone ever thought possible.

Google Colorado wildfires... go to images.... really... you will understand

Also constantly listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8q8rBnuULY0 currently.  Just such a badass opening song that makes me want to go do something extreme or breakthrough in something unimaginable.  Push the limits, live up to your potential, never become content, and just do what you love.  Straight from the muzzle...

P.S.  Go play the online game QWOP and make yourself feel stupid for a little bit...

A relatively furry feeling

Ears twitch... Heard something unusual.... Nose scrunches up... smells funny.

O wait!  That was because I was in Japan the last week and a half.  Good times... goooooood times.  Few issues while we were there, but overall a great time and a great atmosphere.  Really and truly a furry can feel at home in Japan.  Got a furry manga, saw some furry hentai, even ate an omelet with a furry on it.  Check one for the winning book for that trip.  What more was better.  Despite the arguments that we had once in a while, I got to go there with my brother.  Doesn't get much better than that.  I got a serious beef to pick with apple tho.  Gotta get your product right or some day something or someone is gonna bite you in the butt.

So my Japan trip took me to 3 places.  Fukuoka, Kyoto, and Tokyo.  Fukuoka was a new experience for me.  Much different than Kyoto and Tokyo, but overall it was a great place.  Saw some huge malls some good arcades, and met some old friends.  Even had a matrix moment while walking through Shibuya.  I really can't go into detail on things because it would probably take me several pages and I am not currently in the mood to write a ton.  Maybe I will recap those events later, but overall the experience was just great.  Stew on that for a while if you ever think of a trip, little costly, but totally worth it.  Speaking the language helps too :P  Off for now.  Keep on truckin... Except for the man known as Trucker... He should just stop trucking and just start walking...

It Came to Me in a Dream...

I wish I could say that the title had something cool to do with what I am actually about to write, but the truth is it really has jack shit to do with what I am about to write.

I just graduated college, and it really hadn't hit me until about yesterday when I got home and found myself playing video games for a good chunk of the day.  It kind of almost woke me up.  All I have to do is find a job... Its my #1 priority is what I was told.  It kind of dawned on me at this point that I don't have the time to do a whole lot, and if I want to avoid a constant drull I need to find a job that either isn't a constant work load, or to just not get a job at all.  This seems impossible, but then it dawned on me.  If I can find a job within something that I truly enjoy... It isn't really a job at all.  There is some hope for that with the degree I chose.  I did not really know what I wanted to be a part of until the end of my college career, like literally within the last 2 months of school.  Science and space are really and truly the loves of my life.  Guess its a good thing I chose a degree that can go into any line of work...

On a sidenote...  This means I am still going to workout hard and try to get to a point where I can go professional in soccer prior to getting everything situated with a job, or even during.  That would be the true way for me to be happy, and to bring happiness to others... and by that I mean the fans of my team... Fuck everybody else....  Except maybe people that I am friends with... And teams that are from where I like.... well... I guess there are a few exceptions.  I digress...  Soccer... Be about it... Love it... Do whatever I can to achieve it... And if for some reason I am not deemed worthy to play it at a professional level... Get the job in the department I enjoy.  Gotta enjoy what you are doing at work or your just going to waste away.  Provided you work 40-50 hours a week that is.

W/e I guess it just came down to the point that I realized that I really need to get on the workout wagon for soccer and to pursue it a little more seriously than I originally intended... That and I need to make sure if all else fails that I look for a job in something I enjoy.  I guess thats really all I have to say about that for now...

Gotta have a purpose... Without a purpose there is no point... Not truly living your life without a true purpose... Just kinda goin through the motions...

Guess thats it for now...

16 days till Japan...

..... Woof

Koledge.....

4 years have gone by so quickly, but at the same time not quick enough...  What all is left for me in college.  I have a thesis that is due tomorrow which is about 99% done currently.  After a few more minor adjustments the compilation of my entire college career will be turned in as a 20 page paper.  This kind of bums me out to a certain extent because college has been so much more to me than just knowledge that I have gained in the classroom.  As a matter of fact, I have probably learned more about myself outside of the classroom than in the classroom.  Despite the large variety of classes and subjects that I have participated in, which have all been pretty great, something inside of me has definitely grown.

Aside from growing about 4-5 inches in college I have internally and externally learned many things.
1. I am a furry loud and proud.
2. I don't really give a flying fuck what you think about me, cause no matter what you think I always know that your thoughts don't matter if I don't let them matter.
3. When I am drunk I see other people as furries... (lol)
4. I have a high tolerance for hard alcohol, but somehow am a lightweight for beer... (crazy mind)
5. I can kick a ball about 70-80 yards, which is more than the average NFL kicker and about the same as most professional soccer players.
6. Society has many faults that can piss you off, but you have to see the minor good to enjoy anything at all.
7. Find something that makes you happy and do it... Soccer will never leave me no matter what happens.
8. Women can be absolutely insane... Which is thusly why I haven't had a girlfriend in over 2 years.
9. Japan kicks ass... But could use some dairy products cause I feel awkward without milk everyday.
10. 漢字はとてもだめだと思います。(yes I hate Kanji... I am sorry :P)
11．外国に行く時四時間しかねます。たくさんをします。(Don't sleep in if your in a foreign country... make sure its memorable)

12.See left poster
13. Be grateful for those around you who at least try to understand you and love you, they are your greatest safeguard.
14. Past mistakes are for learning, so learn from them and get rid of them.







I am sure there is plenty more that I can put into this list, but at this time I cannot think of anything more, and unfortunately life is calling.  In a matter of 3 weeks my life is going to enter a new chapter, and with this new chapter is going to come serious reform in time scheduling and probably a full time job.

Never forget who you are, and don't let other people tell you that its wrong.  There is a 99% chance that they are just jealous or totally don't understand where you are coming from.

Straight from this furry's muzzle... Take care and check ya later.

What Lies Ahead

So after a full night of contemplation and wondering about the world my mind seemed to drift to one thing.  This was not about me, but rather a person I have grown to know as a friend.  He is shortly going to venture into a new chapter in his life to new challenges, new skill sets, and a whole new world... no pun intended...  After going where he has gone and seeing what can be, I feel like he is going to come back a totally changed individual.  In what ways I cannot say, but I feel as though he will more passionate in one way or another.  Of what I do not know, and by what degree I cannot say.  When I went to the place he is going I came back understanding myself better than I previously had, and also finding a new understanding and assurance of the people around me.  A new found confidence so to speak.  I guess it drifts to the fact that I am genuinely excited for this individual and wish I could see him off.   My only issue lies in that I am several states away, and will not get to see him off on the vast new chapter of his life.

It also got me thinking about my trip to Japan the coming months and that I still have to arrange lots of stuff to make sure it is all good to go when I arrive.  Moreover it made me think about what is going to happen this time and what fantastic and life changing things I will see or do this time.  After seeing last time that society can truly be as one and can move forward together as a single unit I was floored.  The animosity that I saw amongst them was nonexistent.  Everybody seemed to co-mingle and have no issue with helping anyone with anything.  Makes me wonder what would happen if the rest of the world could learn to do the same.  What could happen within society, and could we drift towards a true civilization with regard for our fellow person.  Anyways... What lies ahead in the next few months, past the trip, for me... for him... things that I will never know, but that I know will leave us both changed forever.  It leaves me thinking about the other individual going on the Japan trip with me as well.  The culture is something he knows, but how will the pure interaction change or for that matter will it change the person I know.  I am evermore eager to venture onward and to set my sights high for the future.  Not knowing what will come, but knowing that I will take it head on and give it the Onizuka effort.  If he stumbles upon this... I can just say... Good luck, be safe, but not too safe... Too safe and everything will pass you by.  Watch out for doors too... I hit my head on quite a few of them while I was there... It will wake you up in the morning, but not in a good way.

You know... Travis Rice once said,

"When it comes down to it - it's pretty simple:

Adventure is what you make it. Whether it's the travel, the discovery or just the feeling of letting go - the only way we'll ever find out is to get out there and do it!

Enjoy the ride!"

Great words...

So let go... See it all, and leave nothing untouched or unseen.

Out There....

So I have recently realized that I almost constantly stare at the moon when it is out for reasons that I do not quite understand.  Every time I do look up there I get a yearning and almost comforted feeling.  I am not sure if I realize that everybody that I know and love can look up and see the same thing, or the distinct feeling that one day I may be able to go out amongst the stars and see something as insane and amazing as the planet we live on.  I guess there really isn't a whole lot to this post but that.  Life is changing, people are leaving... a new chapter will be starting... and there is a whole lot of new to look forward to.  Being able to see my family more than 3 months out of the year is something that seems to fuel me onward.

Back to the moon, the constant feeling of insignificance that a person tends to feel just seems to go away for me when I stare blankly at this giant sphere in a place that is so unreachable at the current moment.  Its the final frontier... The last place to go and to see...  A fresh start.  I still feel that parts of my childhood tainted me in the eyes of many people and that I can never truly be pure for several things that I have done.  The hatred that I have felt and continue to feel.  The feelings that well up inside me sometimes make me truly wonder how my parents managed to make me the person I am today.  I feel that without them I would be behind bars.  A trigger finger of a temper and a tendency to establish dominance would have probably left me down a not so pretty path if not for my whole family.  They always stick by me and always will and I know it.  Despite the constant pestering I receive I know there is so much behind it that I may not fully understand but each day makes me stronger.  One day I may just burst out from this shell I seem to be and come forth as I really am.

The full fledged me is something that I really cannot show.  People would not understand how to deal with me as I perceive, but there are times and places where it shows.  Don't get me wrong I am not saying I am so extremely different that it would be something new to humanity, but people just would not understand.  I guess if things ever go to the manner that I feel that people will begin to understand the furry in me I will show more of it, but if not then who knows how things will go.  Ears held high and tail wagging always...

Till the future....

A Feeling of Loneliness

You ever get that feeling that your just utterly alone in a place that you don't want to be?  That there is no viable end in sight and it just leaves you in a state of depression... Or for that matter maybe its just the state of Wisconsin.  There is fucking nothing to do in this place past drink and go into a further depression I am convinced.  TBH... I think its more of a weather drull than a depression.  Just feels like theres no light in the world, because there is only about 10 minutes of cloudless skies a day unless its summer :P.  Don't take this wrong people from Wisconsin, but the lack of mountains here makes this place as dull as the million or so farms I see.  This last few months is going to be the roughest of my life I feel.

Its not like I have it bad out here.  I actually have it great and enjoy the random company, but the lack of stuff to do drives me insane.  After the first few months here I ran out of good ways to keep myself busy except for constant thinking about random whositswhats of science and other subjects, and playing video games constantly.  The constant lack of another to keep me company has also caused me great peril throughout my time here.  A lack of an opposing counterpart after my first two years has left me with serious emotional discord it would seem.  I constantly hit extreme highs and extreme lows only to level out on the fact that one day I will get out of here.  The only thing that remotely lets me feel like there something worth it is the family I have nearby and talking to family/friends on the internet.

Overall all I can say is just that this pit of loneliness I feel drives me to the edge every once in a while and without those that care for me I don't think I would be here today.  I guess the best part about me, is that when I hit the edge, I just go play soccer for hours on end.  Best times of my life has been when I have felt the worst and come to a super high from 6 straight hours of soccer.  But I digress...  Thanks to those who make life worth living...  Also,  crazy people be crazy, so watch out for them... Still wish I had counterpart furry out there to understand me without hardcore judgment though.  Everybody seems to throw that at me despite the fact that I would not be the one to dress up and go crazy like the minority of furries that do that.  Just gotta have a furry mentality, but that just seems to be impossible to come by.  People think that race causes issues... try something obscure that people just don't understand.

Pce for now.  Off to more yearning and the simple insanity that is life.

See you space cowboy...