What Lies Ahead

So after a full night of contemplation and wondering about the world my mind seemed to drift to one thing.  This was not about me, but rather a person I have grown to know as a friend.  He is shortly going to venture into a new chapter in his life to new challenges, new skill sets, and a whole new world... no pun intended...  After going where he has gone and seeing what can be, I feel like he is going to come back a totally changed individual.  In what ways I cannot say, but I feel as though he will more passionate in one way or another.  Of what I do not know, and by what degree I cannot say.  When I went to the place he is going I came back understanding myself better than I previously had, and also finding a new understanding and assurance of the people around me.  A new found confidence so to speak.  I guess it drifts to the fact that I am genuinely excited for this individual and wish I could see him off.   My only issue lies in that I am several states away, and will not get to see him off on the vast new chapter of his life.

It also got me thinking about my trip to Japan the coming months and that I still have to arrange lots of stuff to make sure it is all good to go when I arrive.  Moreover it made me think about what is going to happen this time and what fantastic and life changing things I will see or do this time.  After seeing last time that society can truly be as one and can move forward together as a single unit I was floored.  The animosity that I saw amongst them was nonexistent.  Everybody seemed to co-mingle and have no issue with helping anyone with anything.  Makes me wonder what would happen if the rest of the world could learn to do the same.  What could happen within society, and could we drift towards a true civilization with regard for our fellow person.  Anyways... What lies ahead in the next few months, past the trip, for me... for him... things that I will never know, but that I know will leave us both changed forever.  It leaves me thinking about the other individual going on the Japan trip with me as well.  The culture is something he knows, but how will the pure interaction change or for that matter will it change the person I know.  I am evermore eager to venture onward and to set my sights high for the future.  Not knowing what will come, but knowing that I will take it head on and give it the Onizuka effort.  If he stumbles upon this... I can just say... Good luck, be safe, but not too safe... Too safe and everything will pass you by.  Watch out for doors too... I hit my head on quite a few of them while I was there... It will wake you up in the morning, but not in a good way.

You know... Travis Rice once said,

"When it comes down to it - it's pretty simple:

Adventure is what you make it. Whether it's the travel, the discovery or just the feeling of letting go - the only way we'll ever find out is to get out there and do it!

Enjoy the ride!"

Great words...

So let go... See it all, and leave nothing untouched or unseen.

Out There....

So I have recently realized that I almost constantly stare at the moon when it is out for reasons that I do not quite understand.  Every time I do look up there I get a yearning and almost comforted feeling.  I am not sure if I realize that everybody that I know and love can look up and see the same thing, or the distinct feeling that one day I may be able to go out amongst the stars and see something as insane and amazing as the planet we live on.  I guess there really isn't a whole lot to this post but that.  Life is changing, people are leaving... a new chapter will be starting... and there is a whole lot of new to look forward to.  Being able to see my family more than 3 months out of the year is something that seems to fuel me onward.

Back to the moon, the constant feeling of insignificance that a person tends to feel just seems to go away for me when I stare blankly at this giant sphere in a place that is so unreachable at the current moment.  Its the final frontier... The last place to go and to see...  A fresh start.  I still feel that parts of my childhood tainted me in the eyes of many people and that I can never truly be pure for several things that I have done.  The hatred that I have felt and continue to feel.  The feelings that well up inside me sometimes make me truly wonder how my parents managed to make me the person I am today.  I feel that without them I would be behind bars.  A trigger finger of a temper and a tendency to establish dominance would have probably left me down a not so pretty path if not for my whole family.  They always stick by me and always will and I know it.  Despite the constant pestering I receive I know there is so much behind it that I may not fully understand but each day makes me stronger.  One day I may just burst out from this shell I seem to be and come forth as I really am.

The full fledged me is something that I really cannot show.  People would not understand how to deal with me as I perceive, but there are times and places where it shows.  Don't get me wrong I am not saying I am so extremely different that it would be something new to humanity, but people just would not understand.  I guess if things ever go to the manner that I feel that people will begin to understand the furry in me I will show more of it, but if not then who knows how things will go.  Ears held high and tail wagging always...

Till the future....

A Feeling of Loneliness

You ever get that feeling that your just utterly alone in a place that you don't want to be?  That there is no viable end in sight and it just leaves you in a state of depression... Or for that matter maybe its just the state of Wisconsin.  There is fucking nothing to do in this place past drink and go into a further depression I am convinced.  TBH... I think its more of a weather drull than a depression.  Just feels like theres no light in the world, because there is only about 10 minutes of cloudless skies a day unless its summer :P.  Don't take this wrong people from Wisconsin, but the lack of mountains here makes this place as dull as the million or so farms I see.  This last few months is going to be the roughest of my life I feel.

Its not like I have it bad out here.  I actually have it great and enjoy the random company, but the lack of stuff to do drives me insane.  After the first few months here I ran out of good ways to keep myself busy except for constant thinking about random whositswhats of science and other subjects, and playing video games constantly.  The constant lack of another to keep me company has also caused me great peril throughout my time here.  A lack of an opposing counterpart after my first two years has left me with serious emotional discord it would seem.  I constantly hit extreme highs and extreme lows only to level out on the fact that one day I will get out of here.  The only thing that remotely lets me feel like there something worth it is the family I have nearby and talking to family/friends on the internet.

Overall all I can say is just that this pit of loneliness I feel drives me to the edge every once in a while and without those that care for me I don't think I would be here today.  I guess the best part about me, is that when I hit the edge, I just go play soccer for hours on end.  Best times of my life has been when I have felt the worst and come to a super high from 6 straight hours of soccer.  But I digress...  Thanks to those who make life worth living...  Also,  crazy people be crazy, so watch out for them... Still wish I had counterpart furry out there to understand me without hardcore judgment though.  Everybody seems to throw that at me despite the fact that I would not be the one to dress up and go crazy like the minority of furries that do that.  Just gotta have a furry mentality, but that just seems to be impossible to come by.  People think that race causes issues... try something obscure that people just don't understand.

Pce for now.  Off to more yearning and the simple insanity that is life.

See you space cowboy...

Thesis

So as of recently I have started to write bits and pieces of my thesis for college.  The whole issue with this is that whenever I start to write; I begin to instantly start thinking of the most random music possible.  For instance, I just started doing some stuff and all of the sudden... BAM.

Time to defeat some huns!









This left me puzzled and not understanding quite what I was thinking.  So I began to just hum to myself and it all just has been working itself out ever since.  I don't know what defeating the huns has to do with the privatization of social security, but one of these days I will find out what is making me tick.  Good times...  This also got me thinking about Disney in general and about how all the movies I saw when I was a kid were from that company.  Left me wondering if movies like the Lion King and others of that sort put me in the position I am in today... Who knows.  Friendly animals do what they gotta do to kick Scar around I guess.  Back to more thesis writing I guess.  Pce!

How to Kick Off Valentines Day Right

Alright, another Valentine's Day coming by and I am rollin along just like Han always does.... Solo... HAH... But regardless, I woke up this morning to come to the realization that this could indeed be a great valentines day.  People keep asking me, "why are you so happy? your single on valentines day."  Well to that I say.  Twisted Metal just came out, so while your being all lovey with other people I am gonna go blow shit up with demented clowns and psychotic killers...  Talk about a hell of a Valentines Day :P  True genius that is really all there is to it.  Release a fantastic game series about car based combat and valentines day suddenly doesnt exist...  Good times.  Catch you later, time to go have a little bit of fun.

Stupid Dog!

Ohhhhh yea.... you heard me.... you made me look bad... OOGAHBOOGABOOGA...   But wait... Why am I bringing this up now?  Well I just found out that in the next few months Courage the Cowardly Dog is coming back with a new season.  Its about time Cartoon Network decided that it was gonna do something remotely smart.  Childhood cartoon win...  Welcome to the 90's!

Seems legit, but who knows.  Just brought a smile to my face.  Good 'ole days...  Will believe it in full when I see it tho.

Ate an orange and everything was K!

So after much thought on the hilarious nature of Gangplank, the pirate character in League of Legends I realized that he has many life lessons to teach us.  Lets start simple... As my title states citrus fruits make everything K, so people need to eat their fruit and everything bad that will ever happen to you will instantly go away.  Heck, it will even make you feel better than before.  The instant ailment treatment of citrus fruit is fantastic.  Remember everything on the internet is true... PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP GUIS!

Lesson number 2...  Shooting a gun and waving your sword in an awkward manner will instantly inspire people around you to do better than what they can possibly do.  Wanna give 110%... Sorry that's physically impossible, but for one time only you can buy this flintlock pistol and sword and if you wave the sword in the air and fire your pistol people around you will instantly perform drastically above average.  SRS BZNS.  NO LIES...  But anyways just remember.

Moving on The final thing to learn is that rum is the only thing in a bottle let alone the only thing a pirate will drink when singing yo-ho-ho.  God forbid they drink milk or something that would be beneficial.  Nay they do say, we need some of that thar rum NAO.  Oh yea... before I forget.  Flintlock pistols can also be reloaded in 4 seconds.. All this people thinkin it takes so long are lieing to you.  Even faster with the right cdr... I mean training!  Either way, good ole gankplank sure has a way of telling people how to be awesome...  Until next time...